I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
