I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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