I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
