I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
