your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
