i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
