Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
