why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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