i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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