Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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