I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
