its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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