if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
