I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
