Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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