Plan B is the new Plan A
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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