Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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