the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
