They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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