Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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