There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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