Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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