Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
