Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
being pregnant is like rehab
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
dude. I can hear the air.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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