I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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