oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
