he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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