So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Randomize
