I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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