My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
