She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Randomize
