I bet he comes in French.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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