i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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