You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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