I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
