My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
