Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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