i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
