I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
