literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
