I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
