She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
