Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I FOUND THE LEGS
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
