pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just tell him i said nine months
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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