I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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