She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
