How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
