im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
