I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize