just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
