i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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