Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So vagazzling was a success
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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