then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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