the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
