Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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