john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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