She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Did I show you my penis last night?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize