i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
