I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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