I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
