My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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