Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
