Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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