After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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