ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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