Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
where are you?
Hypothermia
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
