My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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