I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
