sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
